On Being Feminine

Webster's 1828 dictionary defines feminine as:

1. Pertaining to a woman, or to women, or to females; as the female sex.

2. Soft; tender; delicate. "Her heavenly form/ Angelic, but more soft and feminine." -- Milton

3. Effeminate; destitute of manly qualities.

4. In grammar, denoting the gender or words which signify females, or the terminations of such words. Words are said to be of the feminine gender, when they denote females, or have the terminations proper to express females in any given language. Thus in L. dominus, a lord, is masculine; but domina, is mistress, a female. Milton uses feminine as a noun, for female.

I think definition 1, is a little bit obvious to a lot of people. When people hear/read the word feminine, monsters don't usually appear in their mind. Usually the pictures that appear are inherently related to woman. So that one's taken care of.

Definition 2 I find very interesting as I think it's the definition that we tend to think of when we speak of feminine. "Soft, tender, and delicate". There are so many ways this can be applied.

~~Spiritually these qualities may be applied.
~We need to be "soft" to the Word of God, allowing it to make an impression in our lives.
~We need to be tender to the leading of those God has put in our lives to teach us more about Him (I'm specifically thinking of parents here).
~And we need to be delicate in our beliefs. Now I don't mean wishy-washy. But I believe that we can't be so stubborn on some points that if we were to be shown from Scripture that we are wrong, we wouldn't be able to accept that.

~~This definition can also be applied to our attitudes.
~We need to be soft in our speech to others. Again, this doesn't mean that we don't speak without conviction, but we need to make sure that we don't allow our voices to become harsh and unkind.
~We need to be tender to those around us. We need to be aware if someone around us is hurting and comfort them...or if someone is rejoicing, rejoice with them.
~And we need to be delicate in our speech to those around us, making sure that when we open our mouth to speak, we are not doing so to hurt someone else.

~~And then this definition can be applied to our outward appearances. This one is very much up for personal interpretation, so I'll just give my interpretation and let you and your family interpret this for yourself.
~How does one be "soft" in appearance? Does it mean only wearing pastel colours? No, it does not mean colours. I believe it means to not wear anything that would cause someone else to be startled. That sounds funny even to me, but I've got a picture in my mind of what that means. While I was a cashier at WalMart, I came across many women who were not soft in their appearance. The one that sticks out the most is the lady who was wearing a lime green shirt with skin tight jeans, large gold earrings, very dark blush, and black eye makeup. She startled just about everyone around her with her looks. I think dressing "softly" would include not wearing things that draw attention to your body or makeup that is overdone.
~What does it mean to be tender in appearance? This one is even harder. I think that being tender in appearance is being sensitive to those around you and not dressing a way that you know would be offensive to them. This kind of goes back to having a tender attitude as well. Practically it would mean wearing things that draw the eyes to the face and not to your body.
~Does being delicate in appearance mean wearing lace and frills? I hope not! I like well placed lace and fills, but not too often and not too much. :-) I believe this goes back to making sure that you are dressing like a woman. ---------I'm going to touch on the pants issue very quickly. Yes, there are pants today that are feminine and pretty. I don't think anyone seeing you in capris would ever dream you were anything but a lady. ;-) It's really the history of pants that I object to. The first "pants" that were worn were the bloomers of the 1880s developed by a feminist. Although they didn't catch on for fashion then, when WWI began and women starting taking over men's jobs so they could fight, they became more acceptable for women to wear. After WWII when women could have gone back to their homes, they chose to stay in the work force and continue developing and wearing pants. Then it became a part of the femininstic movement. Because of the history of why it is now acceptable for women to wear pants I tend to steer clear of them.
~~But back to being delicate, there should be no doubt when people see you from a distance that you are a lady.

Definition 3 got me intrigued. "Effeminate, destitute of manly qualities". That could give a whole new spin on things. It makes me think, "Is everything I do during the day devoid of anything that could be masculine."

Definition 4 is one of the most confusing things in learning a new language. I took and taught French for a number of years and my first question when learning and the first question I got when teaching it was, "How can a table be feminine?" A very good question and all I could say was "It's French."

I know going through the definition of femininity from the dictionary has given me a lot to think about. I hope it's done the same for you.

Tiffany

Modesty vs. Femininity

Now don't get huffed at the title yet. Let me explain first.

On a message forum that I frequent, the issue of modesty came up. One of the comments got me thinking. Many women were detailing the thoughts behind being modesty (Our thoughts need to be right before our outsides will be right) and describing skirt length and shirt heighth, etc.

One of the members commented about how they wouldn't be considered as modest because they wore mostly pants.

The comments struck me funny, but I couldn't place what was wrong. Then it hit me (not too painfully though :-). There is a difference between being modest and being feminine.

Modesty includes having a right attitude about your clothes and how you appear. There a certain "musts" for modesty, such as not showing too much skin, not wearing too much makeup, etc. But a lot of it is your attitude. Are you wearing that skirt/shirt with the right mindset. Will those who see you be uplifted or will they need to turn their eyes away? (And I'm not just talking about young men here.) Also, are you seeking to praise the Lord's name with your dress?

Femininity refers more to what you are wearing. A dress is feminine. A skirt is feminine. A blouse is feminine. Feminine clothing makes you feel like a woman. When you wear feminine clothing, no one could mistake you for a man. On the reverse side, dressing feminine doesn't mean dressing modestly. You can be wearing feminine blouses, skirts, shoes and be very immodest, as we all know.

I think this is wear the "wearing pants" issue comes in. I don't think pants are feminine. I know I've probably lost half of the readers, but those that are left, please hear me out. I think some pants can be perfectly modest. I'm not looking down on those who wear pants. If I owned any, I would wear them if needed. But I don't think they are feminine.

So back to the original post at the message board...I feel bad for those young ladies who thought that others would think they weren't modest because they wear pants. You can be modest and wear pants. You can be lovely and wear pants. You can have the right heart attitude and wear pants. I think the issue they were addressing (and others in the thread un knowingly just by their responses) was the femininity issue.

Tiffany

Did I Say Something Wrong?

Last year I taught 3rd grade and 1st year French at the same school my father teaches at. This year, the school lost a lot of students due to moves so they had to combine classes and were not able hire me back.


That brings me to today. I am blessed to be able to stay at home this year along with my younger (but taller:-) sister. However, when I tell other people this, I feel like I’ve said something wrong. Their first response to my telling them, "I’m staying at home this year and Shannon and I are taking care of the house and meals for my mom," is usually something like—"Oh" (as in "Why would you want to do that?") or "Wow, I want you to come stay with me." I think they might be hearing me say "I’m staying at home and slaving all day long just so my mom can work" or some other nonsense of the sort.


I wish people could understand that I love fulfilling this God-given role as a woman at home. In fact, I’m getting to do what I’ve always wanted. From the time I was 5 I have told people that I want to be a wife and a mother. Now I’m getting the best opportunity to prepare for it. I love being at home. I love making the home a place where mom and dad can come home and relax and not have things hanging over them. I love doing/learning these skills now, because I want to be able to do the same thing for my husband one day.


By no means am I laying around all day, reading and eating bon-bons. I do have other responsibilities besides homemaking through the week. I nanny/homeschool two mornings a week. I tutor two days a week, I’ve started a public speaking class for students in the area, and am putting together a Public Speaking Seminar for the school I taught at last year. My days are far from idle, but I love every opportunity I have to serve others for Him.


I sometime feel discouraged because of all the negative responses I get to the fact that I am an "at home daughter." However, the Lord has given me parents and sister who encourages me in my journey to become more like Him in every area of my life.


Tiffany

Feminism

My dad teaches at a Classical Christian School and each year they have a night of recitation. I was helping him choose some poems for his class. I found "If" by Rudyard Kipling for the boys, and was looking for something for the girls. I got "Verses of Virtue" off my shelf and started looking through it. I found some wonderful things about feminism in there and wanted to share them.



The first is by Queen Victoria.

"Queen Victoria on 'Women's Rights"

I am most anxious to enlist everyone who can speak or write to join in checking this mad, wicked folly of "Women's Rights," with all its attendent horrors, on which her poor feeble sex is bent, forgetting every sense of womanly feelings and propriety. Feminists ought to get a good whipping. Were woman to "unsex" themselves by claiming equality with men, they would become the most hateful, heathen and digusting of begins and would surely perish without male protection.

I love peace and quiet, I hate politics and turmoil. We women are not made for governing, and if we are good women, we must dilike these masculine occupations.

Queen Victoria, 1870

And the second is a poem.

"Which Mission is Mother's?"

She's a woman with a mission;
'Tis her heaven-born ambition
To reform the world's condition
You will please to understand.

She's the model of propriety,
A leader of society,
And has a great variety
Of remedies at hand.

Each a sovereign specific
With a title scientific,
For the cure of things morbific
That vexes people sore.

For the swift alleviation
Of the evels of the antion
Is her fore-ordained vocation
On this sublunary shore.

And while thus she's up and coming,
Always hurrying and humming,
And occasionally slumming,
This reformer of renown:

Her neglected little Dicky,
Ragged, dirty, tough, and trickly,
With his fingers soiled and sticky,
Is the terror of the town.

Tid-bits

I read that last one and actually laughed out loud. I have seen that with my own eyes! It's amazing how the author was able to capture it all in that six verse poem.

I was so glad to be able to find those poems (I ended up giving Dad another poem by Doug Philips for the Night of Recitation.) that express so poignantly what would and what did happen when feminists had their way.



Tiffany